The Cinema

Cup-holders, Chickens and Chatterboxes....

I took the Gremlins to an "Autism-friendly" screening at my local Cineworld. The idea of an Autism-friendly screening is that the lights remain low - instead of the room being in almost complete darkness - the volume is not as high, there are little or no adverts/trailers, people are tolerant if you talk or make a noise and you can take your own drinks and snacks. I take my own drinks and snacks anyway...but this time I didn't have to sneak them in!

Dad said: "Do you think we stand out because we're the only family here who don't have a child with a disability?"

As the words left his mouth, Owen tucked his hands into his jumper and started to flap his arms: "Look Mam I'm a chicken!" he squawked.

I gave Dad "the eyes".

The lack of adverts was great as it meant that Ava only bounced her seat up and down about fifty times before she settled down with her bum in the gap and her legs up by her chin to watch the film. Her tiny body wasn't heavy enough to keep the seat down but when I offered to keep my hand on her chair so that she could sit properly, she insisted she was happy with her legs in the air so I just left her that way.

Before the film had started, it was already the most successful trip to the cinema we'd had. The first time we took Owen to see a film, we got as far as the ticket desk when he projectile vomited all over the counter, floor, himself and Dad. I had to strip him naked in the toilets and wrap him up in Dad's coat to get him back in the car, leaving the poor Saturday Boy to absorb the puke in layers of blue roll.

One time Owen and Dad went to see a film with Owen's friend. His friend got his arm stuck in the cup holder and screamed the room down while Dad was unable to help him because he was too busy howling with laughter!

A few weeks ago, I took Owen and three friends to see The Nut Job (on my own - how brave am I?!)...though I didn't get to see much of the film as they each decided they needed the toilet one after the other. Once I'd brought the fourth one back, the first one would need to go again, like a conveyor belt of piddle.

However this trip to see Paddington was the most successful trip yet. Ava only talked through about half of the film and there were only three wee breaks in total, so I got to see about 80% of the film, which is good! What I saw I enjoyed - as did the kids.

(Ava with her popcorn order above!)


BEST BITS ACCORDING TO THE GREMLINS:
* Ava: Popcorn!
* Owen: When Paddington cleaned his ears with the toothbrush then licked it! (Followed by lots of rolling on the floor with laughter)

BEST BITS ACCORDING TO MAM AND DAD:
* Dad: The trailers. Its my favourite part.
* Autism friendly screenings are great for kids as well as for people with autism or disabilities as the crowd is more tolerant, you can see what you're doing when you take the kids for their 20th wee/poo/ snack break and you skip all the car and mobile phone adverts.

IFFY BITS:
* Cost of snacks and drinks. When will cinemas learn that most people bring their own because their prices are ridiculous? They'd make more profit in the long run if their nachos didn't cost the same as a small car.
* Queues. For some reason is takes about 10minutes to pour a large diet coke. At least that's what it can feel like when your film starts in thirty seconds and you've been waiting forever for the person in front of you to decide between "one scoop or two scoops".
* My personal pet hate - people playing on their mobile phones when the film has started. I feel my crazy level rise rapidly.

TIPS:
* Buy your tickets online. At Cineworld you get an online discount, you skip the queues and you can pick which seats you want.
* Also to keep the cost down, try 2-4-1 Orange Wednesday cinema tickets, or look for deals at your local cinema. Most usually offer discounted rates at off-peak times or for morning screenings. Many cinemas charge £1pp for kids films on a Saturday morning.
* Take your own snacks and drinks to save money and avoid the queues.
* If your child is a chatterbox, maybe wait until they're old enough to develop technology-locked-in-syndrome before attempting a cinema trip - otherwise you won't get to hear much of the movie.
* Make sure you all go to the loo before the film starts and limit all fluids!

MINT-NESS (out of 5 *):

*****   Value for money - if you book a discounted screening and take your own snacks

**         Value for money - if you book a regular screening and buy theirs

***       Fun factor - great for the movie buff

COST:

£26.66      Family ticket at Cineworld for a regular screening, bought online
£2.99        Small popcorn
£29.65      TOTAL

www.cineworld.co.uk

Watergate Forest Park, Dunston

Swan Feeding, Gorge Walking, Poop Chasing and Muddy Puddles

The thought of having to walk further than the end of my front gate often fills me with dread. As the hubby said recently, the most toned part of my body is my right index finger from pushing the lift call button at work. I couldn't verbally abuse him for that comment because he's kind of right (this once). However, Watergate Forest Park is a place I don't mind having a stroll - and for the Gremlins it's like visiting their true home - its covered in muck and full of little animals.

 

On the site of the former Watergate Colliery, there are lakes, streams, wildflowers, woodland and sculptures. The guided path is full of potholes, ideal for creating puddles to splish and splosh in - or in my lots' case - to shove your sister in and laugh at her flapping about like a tortoise on its back. She didn't screech for long - she was soon doing the front crawl and wouldn't get up 'til she was chased up the path with a bag of dog poo.

 

After eating her body weight in blackberries, and looking for fairies in the trees, Ava joined her brother lobbing stones at the ducks until I shrieked like a fishwife and they removed the rocks from their bread crumbs (it made the bread fly further apparently).

 

 

The highlight of their nature trail - however - is whipping off their wellies and barefooting it through the freezing cold streams. Once upon a time I'd have the pair of them on reins with life jackets on when within ten metres of more than an inch of water...but I've learned to have only mild panic attacks while they laugh and paddle in the knee-deep brooks, searching for tadpoles and swan babies. The only down side, is having to fish the little blighters back out again, when frost bite starts setting into their toes. Though yelling "THE CROCODILES ARE COMING!!" usually does the trick.

 

(NB. Do NOT go swimming in the lake. It's very deep and full of reeds).

Best Bits According to The Gremlins:

*   Ava: Jumping in muddy wuddles.

* Owen: Walking in the water, mountain climbing up the rocks and seeing the massive waterfall. It makes me feel like George of the Jungle.

Best Bits According to Mam and Dad:

* Being able to let the Gremlins (and dogs) off the leash to run wild and wear themselves out, meaning a guaranteed early bed time.

* The peaceful serenity (until the Gremlins start chasing the swans). If you're in a bad mood, take a walk through the park and by the end of the path, everything will be back in perspective. Either that or you'll jump in the lake. (Don't do that though...).

* Watching the kids have fun with nothing more than dirt, water, fresh air and their imaginations.

 

Iffy Bits:

* The walk back to the car. After two hours or more of fresh air, it can feel like you're climbing Kilimanjaro...especially with one tired Gremlin on your front and one on your back. 

Tips:

* Take a towel and a change of clothes - if you start splashing about then you're gonna get pretty soggy.

* Take carrier bags to pick up your dog (or child) poop, and to put your muddy shoes in when you're back in the car (not with the poop of course. Unless you want to).

* There are no refreshment facilities in nature - unless you want to drink the lake water (not recommended). If it's a hot day, take some drinks and slap on the sunny lotion.

 

Mint-ness (out of 5 *):

 

*****   Value for Money

****      Fun Factor

Cost:

 

FREE!

 

http://www.newcastlegateshead.com/things-to-do/watergate-forest-park-p26241

 

 

Blue Reef Aquarium, Tynemouth

Snogging Sea Lions and Hunting for Jaws....duh duh, duh duh....

I told the Gremlins I'd booked them a swimming lesson with sharks at the aquarium....

Ava said: "If a shark try to eat me I punch it in the nose!"

Owen started to cry.

Oops.

 

We last visited the aquarium about 18 months ago when Ava was just a baby, and after sneakily watching scenes from Jaws on YouTube, Owen had been nagging us for weeks to visit again.

Owen: Do they have Megalodons?
Thank you Discovery Channel.
Me: Errrr.....no
Owen: Do they have giant squid?
Me: No
Ava: Will the shark get out the cage and bite my head off then the policeman put a bomb in him and blow him up?!!
Thank you YouTube.

I hoped the kids wouldn't be disappointed and that the aquarium would live up to their morbid and inflated expectations.

I think it did. Even though Owen sniffed that the sharks were "only" reef sharks and not great whites, and no one got their head ripped off, there was enough cool stuff to look at to keep them occupied for an hour....sea lions, otters, monkeys, lizards, lobsters, sting rays that pop up to say hello, Nemo and Dory, piranhas, turtles, eels, frogs and starfish and much more.

Unfortunately, as my kids only have the attention spans of goldfish, and their excitement has an expiration time of about twenty seconds, we whizzed around the centre in about 30 minutes.

So we emptied our savings account in the extortionately priced café, and walked around again...slowly this time.

We stopped to watch the monkeys being fed - but there was no talk involved - just some food put into their feeding bowls. The otter feeding was great fun and Owen enjoyed learning how otters can sleep for 20 hours a day (like Daddy). The highlight, however, had to be the seal and sea lion demonstration, where Ava got to meet Lucy the sea lion and had 3 wet sloppy kisses.

Dad said she'd better make the most of it as they'll be the only ones she ever has! She returned the comment by trying to dive into the otter tank.

BEST BITS ACCORDING TO THE GREMLINS:
* Ava: The sea-yions
* Owen: The stinky otters 'cos I could pump near the cage and no one could tell it was me. And the sharks.

BEST BITS ACCORDING TO MAM AND DAD:
* The seal and sea lion talks are great, as the keepers open the fence and the animals come right out to give you a wave and sing you a song - plus for a fee - you can get up close and personal.
* The sting rays open tank. They come up to the surface, splash around a bit and look like they're looking back at you through the glass.
* The cookies and cakes in the café are amazeballs.
* You learn a lot about the animals if you listen to the talks and read all of the information.

IFFY BITS:
* Its not cheap and you have to pay for parking.
* Kids on a sugar rush will be round the centre in minutes. It's quite small.
* The otters honk and you can smell them wherever you are - but if you have a husband/wife/child/live-in granny with a gas problem then you'll be used to it and won't mind so much.

TIPS:
* Buy your tickets online to get a discount. Or buy a yearly membership and go as many times as you like.
* Make the most of the experience and plan your day around all of the feeding sessions and talks, to learn about the animals and have the chance to hold/touch/snog one.
* If you're there in the summer - take a picnic - make a whole day of it and spend some time on the lovely beach right across the road, or roll down the big grassy hill by the little play park within the grounds.

* If you're there in the winter - wrap up warm - as some of the enclosures are outside and its rather nippy.

MINT-NESS (out of 5 happy faces):
 

**        Value for money (bit pricey)

****   Fun factor (kids loved it)

 COST:

£31.95  Entry for family of four online
£1.50    Parking
£8.60    Snacks in the café (aka a couple of chocolate bars!)
£8         Snog off a Sea Lion with a photograph
£5         Two small toys from the gift shop
£55.05  TOTAL

http://www.bluereefaquarium.co.uk/tynemouth/